WHAT HILL WILL YOU DIE ON TODAY?

In the early years of my marriage, my hubby and I didn’t know how to disagree in a healthy way. We fought. We were so immature. We fussed over the most ridiculous things. One day, during a heated disagreement, he said to me, “Is this the hill you want to die on?”. “What does that mean?”, I asked. He said, “There are things in this life we will have to fight for. There will be hills we will have to take and potentially risk dying on. Always looking to fight the most minuscule things that produce zero fruit, will get us nowhere, though. We will find death quicker than we encounter life. Before we have the feeling to fight, particularly if it’s a feeling to fight each other, stop and ask yourself this, is this a hill worth dying on. I am not the enemy and neither are you.”. That changed my mindset immediately. Did we fail to take heed to that teaching sometimes? Yes. We will always be a work in progress and that’s ok.

I was reminded of this the other day when my children were fighting. They were heated and ready to throw down. I looked at both my daughters and asked them, “Is this a hill worth dying on?”. The thing they were fighting about was being fought in great anger, misunderstanding and selfishness. Plus, they are 7 and 8, and there’s not a great deal of maturity there. Unfortunately, there are adults who are like this. I was one of them. I’m not sure if they fully understood but I decided to continue teaching them this important lesson until they get it.

Sometimes we fight over the most ridiculous things that don’t produce healthy fruit. Either it’s because we are immature, prideful, bitter, angry or everything in between. We can make the excuse, we grew up that way and decide to stay bound in our old ways, or we can choose to live in freedom from such bondage. Yes, you are in bondage when all you do is fight. When all you do is want to get revenge and see others pay for their wrongs, you are the one that is in bondage. You are the problem. If it brings you satisfaction to see others suffer, then you are in bondage. If all you want to do is be heard instead of hearing others out, you are in bondage.

Are you an angry person? Are you constantly bothered? Are you easily irritated over things that don’t really matter? Do you rather live in anger than in peace? Do you rather plot revenge than find a peaceful solution? If yes, you are in bondage. And, my friend, you need to be free today. How?

First, you need to recognize that you are struggling. You need to recognize that you might be the problem. You need to recognize that its normal to be angry but it’s not ok to react every time you’re angry. Being angry isn’t the problem, it’s how you react that matters. You can choose to either escalate or deescalate the situation. You can scream daily at the top of your lungs that your kids are the problem, or your spouse is always the one that’s “wrong.”. That’s your choice. The day you step back and realize that YOU can change your situation by having self control, will be the beginning of freedom. Freedom that is awaiting you. Jesus doesn’t want us to live in such bondage. He died an ugly death so that whoever believes in HIM will not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

1. Psalm 118:5- When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place

CRY OUT TO THE LORD!

2. Ephesians 4:26-27- In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY, DO NOT BLURT OUT THINGS YOU WILL REGRET. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ARE TEMPTED TO. DON’T REST YOUR HEAD ON YOUR PILLOW BEFORE FORGIVING THE OTHER PERSON, JUST LIKE CHRIST HAS FORGIVEN YOU.

3. Galatians 5:13-14- You my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

DO NOT LET YOUR FLESH WIN. I KNOW YOU MAY WANT TO BE HEARD AND SERVE JUSTICE, BUT DON’T DO IT AT THE COST OF LOSING THOSE THAT GOD PLACED IN YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE PEACE IN YOUR HEART AND MIND IF YOU CHOOSE EVERY BATTLE TO FIGHT.

4. Ephesians 4:31-Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

GO BEFORE GOD AND ASK HIM TO HELP YOU SEE WHAT YOU DON’T SEE. RID YOURSELF OF THE THINGS THAT HOLD YOU BACK.

5. Matthew 7:3-5 -"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

DO NOT BLAME SHIFT BUT LOOK AT YOURSELF FIRST. IT STINGS. I KNOW THIS FROM EXPERIENCE, BUT IT’S SO FREEING WHEN YOU RECOGNIZE YOU ARE FLAWED AND NEED CHRIST TO HELP YOU.

If you don’t have a relationship with Christ or are struggling, He is near and waiting for you to call on His name today. There is freedom when you trust in HIM. There is freedom when you give your life to Him. God is so full of grace and forgiveness. He isn’t done with you. Let Him work in your heart and mind and BE FREE.

-Stacy Hockenbury

Have you prepped your child well?

Shout out to the mommas getting supplies organized for their kids classrooms, either at school or at home this year. Sneakers polished to take on the hallways of their local school or downstairs to their home set up. Clothing has been purchased and washed for the next month...maybe. It requires a lot of prep to get these kids up and going and ready to start the school year with a bang. I applaud you, my sisters, for your dedication.

Something came to mind last night when I was chatting with my daughter about her fears for the upcoming school year. I’d like to share with you something I know is the heart of God.

I have a question.

Have you spent as much time developing your child spiritually as you have prepared them academically?

How many of us have put the time in to prep the spiritual heart and mind of our children? Now, I’m not suggesting that education is not important. It’s very important. Kids need to learn discipline and work ethic. They need an education. They need a job so they’re not stuck in our basement! What they need more than that, is a solid foundation in Christ. In the 2 decades of me being a youth pastor, I have seen the fruit of what was important to a parent in their child’s life. If sports were important, then their child sometimes excelled in that area. If academics were the most important thing to a parent, then most likely the kid got into a good college. What I have seen MANY times was when a parent only focused on the outer things, their kids struggled spiritually. I have had so many conversations with teenagers that are about to enter college age, searching for joy and truth. Lost and asking for guidance. Granted, they were straight A students who traveled around the country with their sports team or cheerleading squad and their school resumes were better than most adults. Many of them were about to enter a top notch school, but they didn’t have the slightest clue on how to handle their life spiritually. Some may think it’s the children or youth pastors job to train up their child in the ways of the Lord. Drop their kid off for 2 hours at church and that’s good enough. Those people could not be more wrong. It’s our job; the parents. We are responsible to raise our children in the ways they should go. If education and getting the best job was the most important thing for you to teach your child, and setting up a solid foundation in Jesus was second to that, I ask you this question. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? (Mark 8:36)

Will they always make the right choices? No way. Will they turn out to be a perfect Follower of Christ? Not a chance. No one can achieve perfection. Will they make some choices that will break your heart or possibly walk away from what they know about God? Yes, but scripture tells us in Proverbs 22:6, to raise them in the ways of the Lord, anyway. For me, I don’t want my kids to only have the best scores, look good or be the most popular. I desire for them to go in the school year knowing they are loved, valued, and forgiven. That the Lord knows their name and knows the number of hairs on their head. I want them to know in their heart of hearts that there is a God that loves them more than I do. I want to give them the tools to fight off the enemy when he comes roaring. My friend, the enemy is roaring and waiting for your child.

I challenge you this school year to prep your kids for much more than straight A’s. Straight A’s and perfect grammar pales in comparison to eternity. Are they ready to take on the enemy when they step out your front door? In our hope to give our kids a head start for the hard knock life, have we taught them the hope that brings them life during the hard times? Have we shared the hope that is called Jesus?

I know I’m committed to fighting and teaching all my children that they don’t need to fear because their redeemer is always near! I’m committed to showing them the truth about themselves. Truth that is found in the Word of God. I’m dedicated to making sure that even though they WILL walk through the valley of the shadow of death, they don’t need to fear, because God is with them. Will you join me?

Here are some ways you can connect your child to the truth of God.

*Set up a daily devotional time with them.
*Pray for them but also show them how to pray over themselves.
*Before they leave for the day, speak life over them. For example, you could say to them: “you are valuable”, “you are important”, “you are strong because Jesus has your back”, “you are loved”.
*Or, (this is my girls favorite) have them repeat a truth about themselves, out loud. For example: “I am a child of God”, “No weapon formed against me will prosper today”, “When I fall, I will get back up”.
*Let them fail and then roll out the red carpet of grace.

These are some examples of what I’ve done with my children.

Pray over your children. Pray! There is power in your prayer. Whether they’re homeschooled or in public/private school... PRAY!

Pray and Prepare. You WILL see the fruit of your labor.

I’m not suggesting you are to be a perfect parent. What am I saying, is you have the power to show your child who the one and only perfect God is.

Praying for favor this school year! That’s my word this year for my kids.

Momma, you are stronger than you know!

And for the mommas who think it’s too late. The beautiful thing about my God is that His mercies are new everyday. You can start setting that foundation TODAY. It’s time to get to work!

-Stacy Hockenbury

The other day I had the honor of being a part of a relationship panel for the youth ministry at my church, called, The Source. One of the things we talked about, was being careful who you let into your life and heart. You reap what you sow.

Not everyone is for you. Just because he says you’re pretty doesn’t mean he’s worth the rest of life.

Choose wisely who you let into your world. Not every first date you’ll go on means they’re the one. The one person I “loved”, before meeting my husband is far gone from me. In my young age I only saw what was in front of me. Love isn’t the Cinderella movie I saw growing up. There aren’t birds in the air leading me to my prince. It takes discernment and self control to find what is right. And to hold off when it’s not. What “feels” right in the moment isn’t necessarily the right thing. The fairytales never show you the, after-after part. That takes work. The behind the scenes work isn’t super appealing to watch on screen. That kind of work some flee from.

It’s more than, “Dang, he’s hot!” or, “He’s the only one who will ever love me.”.

It’s.... “Will he be a good father? Is he going to treat our family right or provide in the areas we can’t? Is this guy going to bail when he’s bored or fight for what he vowed to keep close and protect?”.

My daughter had a MAJOR and I mean, major melt down the other night. It was late and she was done. I couldn’t handle it. My husband walked upstairs, told her to sit down and gently asked her to tell him what was really the matter. She instantly calmed down and told him. He gave her tips for the next time she lost control. They hugged each other and she went to bed. He stepped in and handled what I couldn’t. What I was failing at, he said, “I got your back”. He also moved in the position God has honored him with. A father.

It’s not like this all the time. And that’s ok. But this time, this time right here, shaped our daughter at that moment.

I thought to myself, “Wow, I chose wisely”. He’s leaving a mark on our children. We are far from perfect, but we serve a perfect God. He has chosen to put God first in everything. Nights like this one, prove it.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how cute he is or how he gives you the butterflies, it’s really about what kind of character he has.

You don’t want to just let anyone in. Other people down your family line need you to choose with godly wisdom, not just with your feelings at the moment.

To my the man chose...Thank you.

*the picture is of poor quality because I snapped it quickly. I hope you can still enjoy the moment.

Fear robs you- Part 1

Part 1 of “4 things fear does”

1-Fear robs you.

Fear is a thief! It’s a thief of joy, peace, sleep, good thoughts and anything that holds you from taking a breath in freedom. Fear robs you from what God calls you to do and puts a hazy look on the dreams He places in your heart. It robs you from experiencing life.

I remember a time in my life when fear robbed me. 

After almost a decade of praying that God would give me and my husband a child, I finally got pregnant in 2010. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was standing in the kitchen waiting for the pregnancy test to give me a negative sign. I expected to see a negative sign because that’s what I was used to. I could barely stand up when what I thought would be a negative turned into a positive. I felt such intense emotion. I experienced overwhelming joy in that moment. I was going to have a baby! Fast forward 3 days later and I found myself in a place of darkness. The joy and excitement I felt a couple of days prior, turned into intense fear. Fear that crippled me for my entire pregnancy. 

On Sunday evening I walked downstairs to my basement and asked my husband to take me to the hospital because something wasn’t right. I was bleeding. Everyone said that these things happen but when it does, you become a little child under the covers hiding from the monster you think is in your room. My monster was the ER doctor that told me to prepare for a miscarriage because my hCG levels were falling. On a Thursday I experienced a blessing from heaven and on Sunday, I was paralyzed with thoughts like, “My child isn’t going to make it to full term”, “God is going to punish me for my past”, “Something bad is going to happen”. I was discharged from the hospital with these crippling thoughts. Funny thing is, I know God. I trust Him. For whatever reason, at that moment, fear tricked me into putting God in the backseat. The God that gives peace that surpasses all understanding seemed distant in that moment. I was looking at my present circumstances at the time, as the end. A couple of days later I got my results. My hCg levels were ok. Good, right? Guess what? Fear began to make a home in my mind and heart. All the things that I knew about the goodness of God was blurred by the sounds of a screaming and fearful heart. A time when I should’ve been celebrating, I was rolled up in my bed full of debilitating fear. My hospital visits wouldn’t end with that one. Many conversations were had about how I would miscarry my first child, Julia. Julia who is 8 years old now.
Nothing prepares you for news like that. Unfortunately, in a time when I should’ve leaned into the promises of God, I let fear sucker punch me and blind me from what I knew about Him. What I knew was this; that even if something bad did happen during my pregnancy, God was going to still be with me. He was going to be with my unborn child. My story wasn’t going to end with a, “You lose. Game over, Stacy.” I know this because the reality is that God has promised that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. When everything falls in my world, He carries me through and He will carry you. Bad things happen and sometimes they don’t make sense, but God is still a good and sovereign God. Fear tried to take this truth from me.
I’ve had to mourn several things since then, but when fear begins to rear its ugly head, I now get on my knees and begin to worship. I open up my bible and remind fear that God is still God and He is in control. Why? Because while I’m worshipping and soaking in truth, God is working in my heart and renewing my mind.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! … And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4, 7 (NIV)

Don’t let fear sucker punch you. Don’t let fear trick you into believing in something that isn’t true or hasn’t even happened yet. If fear gets a tight grip on you, then it can shut you up and sit you down. I personally don’t like when someone tells me to shut up and sit down. We weren’t meant to retreat in fear, we were meant to rely on the God who already won the war for us.

God is not done with you yet...

The other day I woke up with the story of Sarai (Sarah) in the bible on my mind. Some may know this story, but if you don’t, let me tell you about her.

Sarah was married to a man named Abraham and couldn’t have children. Some of you reading this easily relate to this hollow pain as you too have experienced it. I lived with this brokenness for the first ten years of marriage. The pain of feeling like you’re broken is heart wrenching.
One day the Lord spoke to Abraham and told him that Sarah would give birth to a child. Sarah overheard this and laughed to herself. She didn’t believe. (I feel you, girl!)
I know I would’ve laughed out loud or probably been really upset thinking God was being cruel. Why? Sarah was 90 years old. Surely God cannot fulfill such a promise like that in a woman in her old age, right? Wrong.
What Sarah didn’t realize was God was going to give her a hefty blessing. She just needed to trust. Sarah gave birth to a son named Isaac. Isaac fathered 2 sons. One of those sons would then father 12 sons of his own. Each would be leaders of the 12 tribes of Israel. These tribes were very significant. I suggest you study this some more as today my history lesson is just a quick summary.

You see, God didn’t look at Sarah and think she was too old to be a part of His story. She wasn’t too broken to be included in God’s promise and plan.

Sometimes we get to a point where we think God is done with us. Truth is, that if you are breathing, God isn’t done.

Recently I had the opportunity to pray with some women. One woman is dealing with addiction. It’s evident that she believes she is at the end. She believes she’s done too much bad in her life and God is done with her. I understand that pain and disappointment.
I had another conversation with a woman who believes God is done with her because of her age. She’s in her 60’s, and feels like she is past her “Best if used by” date.

I’d like to speak to the woman for a moment.
the divorced woman…
the widow…
the woman in her twilight years…
the orphan…
the woman who had something taken from her...
the woman who has lost a child…
the woman who is addicted…
the woman who has lost everything and everyone…
the woman who has been hurt by the church…
the woman who has been hurt by loved ones…
the woman who had their children taken away…
the woman who can’t have children…
the woman who raised her children in the ways of the Lord, and they have turned their back…
the woman who thinks she’s missed her calling…
the woman who wants to end it today…
the prisoner…
TO ALL of the women who think God is done with them…
He. Is. NOT. Finished.

Even in the mess, God still sees beauty. He still sees life. He still has a plan for you. God is a God of justice. He is a God of promise. He is a God that provides. A God that hears us. A God that restores. A God that brings life back from the dead.

Hang on, sister. He is not done with you yet. Press on today. He notices. He SEES you.
God sees the beginning, the end and all that is in between.
HE is not done writing your story.
Grace and love are yours today. TRUST!

Watch your mouth!

Be aware of what we say and how we say it. Not only to others but to ourselves.

There is power in our words. There is power in what we speak over ourselves.

Maybe you have been told things that have taken life out of you.

“You’re not smart enough.”

“You’re too fat.”

“You’re too skinny.”

“You’ll always be lonely.”

“You’ll never be a good mother.”

“I feel sorry for you because you’re single”

“You have too much of a past.”

“You will always be who you are.”

“No one will love you.”

“You’re not pretty enough.”

“Do more and He will notice.”

“You’re stupid.”

“She’s better than you.”

“Just give up.”

Or maybe you are the one saying these things to yourself.

When I was younger, I really enjoyed singing. One day I was singing in the living room alongside a family member that was playing the guitar. Someone made a joke about how I sang. I was embarrassed. I felt heat go up and down my neck. That day I put down the microphone and never picked it up again. Sounds silly now, but it’s true. Someone else’s words took life from me. There were times when I wanted to pick it up again, but I talked myself out of it. “Stacy, you can’t sing. You don’t sound like a singer.”

I can’t go back to that moment when I put down the microphone, but I can move forward in truth. The truth is that I’m none of those things that I’ve told myself. I’m none of those things that other negative people have spoken over me.

I am a daughter of a KING. And royalty doesn’t belong in the shadows, drowning in lies. They belong with the KING. Next to the KING. Living in HIS truth, and in the light.

I HAVE A CHALLENGE FOR YOU TODAY!

Trade in negative words for words of encouragement.

"No one puts Baby in the corner."

Do you remember the scene from Dirty Dancing when Johnny (Patrick Swazye) walks into the dance hall looking for Baby? Baby is having dinner with her family. The family that really doesn't believe in her and would rather her just be quiet. Johnny walks up to the table they are sitting at, extends his hand towards Baby and says, "No one puts Baby in the corner". He then escorts Baby to the stage, where they dance.

I could jump through the screen every time I see that scene.

How many of us get put in the corner and silenced because of our circumstances? Maybe fear, trauma or the people closest to you have put you there.

The God of all creation is saying to you today, "Get up! No one puts My baby in the corner!'